I’ve been on an ongoing quest to liberate myself from “should”.

From the voice in my head that’s super loud + insistent about what I *should* do (or not).

I can think of lots of times when “should” was driving the bus + making my decisions for me.

Times when I felt uneasy about the path I was choosing or the direction I was walking.

Times when everything in me was asking me to slow down, look inside, and sort through what I was feeling + wanting + needing.

Times when, despite all of this, I ignored those feelings.

Because I already knew what I “should” do, so why look closer or ask questions?

This has led to some not-so-great outcomes, but even more than that, it’s undermined the relationship I have with myself by shutting down the conversation.

So I’ve been practicing turning toward desire instead.

Because on a practical level alone, the energy of desire, of wanting, is more powerful than the energy of “should.”

It’s fueled by love, not fear.

Which means it anchors me to my reasons,

Gives me power to keep going even when things get hard,

Enlivens my quest,

Gets all of me (including my body) on board,

And reminds me of my agency.

Desire also asks me to get honest + let go of what I don’t want.

Which sometimes means disappointing others.

In many ways, “should” is simpler.

It gives my authority to something outside of me (a rule, an expert, a vision of life or self that someone else gave me), which means I don’t have to do the work of deciding + owning what’s mine.

But desire demands more from me.

It asks me to tune in + take responsibility for what’s alive inside of me.

It asks me to know, love, and believe ME.

To cultivate a relationship with my dreams, my aliveness, and my heart.

Which is a much truer + more empowered + more satisfying way to live.

So when the voice of “should” tries to control the process or shut down the conversation, I try to remember to take a deep breath + plug into desire instead.

Into the deeper thing.

Into love + wanting + creativity + goodness.

And into another possibility.

What might it look like to do the same?