Earlier today, I felt a wave of gripping anxiety.
My first instinct was to pull back, turn away, and push it down.
But then I stopped, took a breath, and chose to allow it instead -- to feel the nausea + constriction + heaviness.
And remember that there’s room for all of it.
This is something I’ve been trying to practice more as I’ve noticed my patterns of pushing down + locking away my intensity.
That intensity shows up in all sorts of ways: feelings to be felt, creativity to invite, aliveness + vitality to allow.
However it shows up, my first thought is often: “this is too much.”
This anger is too overwhelming to make room for.
This creative energy is too big to work with.
This anxiety is too uncomfortable to look at.
These currents of aliveness are moving too fast to control.
When I notice this happening, my practice has been to try opening to the intensity rather than constricting around it.
Rather than trying to force the feelings to move in a certain way, control the intensity, or express the energy perfectly, I try to remember that good things come not through control + perfection but through presence + curiosity.
I ask myself: what might it look like to be open + available to what comes, trusting that I can receive + flow with the intensity and remember my deep capacity for it.
All of this helps my emotional groundedness + wellbeing.
It also supports my art.
Because I need access to my intensity + power to create.
And if I’m avoiding my fear, trying to control my energy, or pushing away my feelings, I’m shutting down what’s alive inside me.
And what do I most need to create?
Access to whatever's alive inside me.
Making art (whatever form it takes) is simply a practice of bringing that aliveness forward.
And all of my intense feelings + energies are expressions of that aliveness taking on different forms + unique configurations like waves rising up from the ocean.
And if I can make room for all my intensity, energy, and power, I have deeper + truer access to the vast ocean of magic + possibility that is my intensity at its core.
So this is my guiding question for this work, and I’d encourage you to try it on to see what it brings for you:
What might it mean to work with rather than against what’s alive inside of me today? All of the feelings + energies? Especially those that feel like "too much"?