I’m struggling to find the words today, as I’m still totally disoriented + exhausted + emotionally drained from the events of this week.
I’m referring, of course, to the United States (narrowly) beating back fascism + saying a collective “no thanks” to authoritarian rule.
So that’s good! But what a week of being reminded of the complexity of human emotions.
Over the past several days, I've been feeling -- often in rapid succession and sometimes all at once -- deep relief, frenetic anxiety, awe-inspiring connection, deflated exhaustion, triumphant joy, cosmic awe, agonizing grief, and a lot more + in-between.
I avoided the news + then I consumed it obsessively. I danced in jubilant victory + cried in despair. I felt some of the deepest relief I’ve ever felt + then I felt completely deflated + lost.
Maybe you can relate.
I’m sure you don’t need the reminder, but I’ll say it anyway (because I’ve been saying it to myself, and it helps): your feelings are valid + normal + to be expected.
Because we all experienced a fair amount of collective trauma over the past four years. We’ve been lied to + manipulated. We’ve experienced gaslighting + denials of reality. We’ve seen harm come to our fellow (national + global) citizens + perhaps been the victims of that harm ourselves. We’ve watched people we know, and perhaps love, get swept into the currents of nationalism, violence, and white supremacy.
We went through something deep + harrowing + weird + painful.
And in any experience like that, so much of the deep work of feeling + healing + reckoning comes after we get to safety.
This week was an exhale. But for me at least, it was also a rushing-in of all the stuff I couldn’t deal with or look at or sort through in the midst of the crisis.
So I'm remembering: taking a step out of survival mode is also taking a step into all that healing + repair ask of us.
I know I’ll be grieving a lot of what happened in these past four years for a long time (in part because a lot of the hard stuff isn't gone or over).
And that means making room for *all* the feelings (the hard ones + the beautiful ones) -- and creating as much groundedness + space + safety for ourselves + each other as we can right now.