Thinking today about all the ways anti-racism work asks us (white people) to reckon with + work through fear.
Because white supremacy conditions us into fear:
- Fear of black people + black spaces.
- Fear of breaking with (the power + safety of) whiteness.
- Fear of conflict + losing people.
- Fear of getting it wrong + making mistakes.
- Fear of discomfort + shame.
This fear isn’t our fault. We didn’t choose it.
But we are responsible for it. And we have a moral imperative to do our own inner work to diffuse it.
Because that fear can (+ does) get people killed.
And beyond that, it keeps us quiet + small + out of the game.
I’ve seen the ways my own fear causes me to lean away in ways that disconnect me from people + spaces + conversations.
If I’m uncomfortable + afraid in black spaces, for instance, I’m turning away, physically + energetically. I’m not present. I’m not connecting with people. And I’m certainly not available to use my power + exercise my agency in allyship + support.
I also feel how fear often shows up as avoidance + perfectionism -- as not doing anything because I’m afraid of getting it wrong (+ the shame I’ll experience when I do).
And if I let that fear run unchecked, it will likely prompt me to look the other way when there’s shady shit going down -- on my facebook feed, at the Thanksgiving table, or in my neighborhood.
So when I think about what it means for me to be anti-racist in this moment, so much of it is about what I do with this fear -- and my commitment to the inner work it takes to deprogram the myriad of ways white supremacy has conditioned me to be afraid.
This is some of what’s helped so far:
- Getting grounded + connected in my body (so that I’m aware of what’s happening in my somatic + emotional + nervous system in real time).
- Getting rooted in my commitment to love -- how much I love my community + my neighborhood + our collective struggle for human rights + dignity.
- Feeling fear + leaning in/speaking up/taking action anyway.
- Remembering who I want to be in the world right now.
- Plugging into the vision for the world we’re building together + my devotion to *that*.
Love + solidarity, friends.