Someone recently shared with me that they felt like a failure.

They had experienced a significant loss a while back, and life was still feeling extra challenging.

They said it felt like they were failing at work + at home -- and like it was harder to get through the day + try new things + shake off hard moments.

Which often happens in the aftermath of loss + change.

Grief can make us feel like we’re failing.

Not because we’re failures.

But because, in grief, the world so often fails us.

By not allowing room + spaciousness for what grief truly requires.

The fact that we’re so often expected to function normally, be productive, and “get back to normal” as soon as possible when we’re grieving, reckoning with loss, and sorting through deep, identity-shattering changes, speaks to the ways our dominant culture is not well.

It’s okay to need a lot + move through the world differently when things are hard.

Because grief + healing ask a lot.

So this is what I asked this person (+ what I try to remember to ask myself when I have these moments):

What might it mean to let yourself fail a little + break the rules of a culture that emphasizes doing + producing + continuing on, no matter the cost?

To allow the grief (+ your heart, soul, and nervous system) to move at the speed that feels right?

To measure your okayness not against an unwell culture's definition of success + failure but with the truth + knowing you find within?