One of the things I’ve gotten really into this year is working out with youtube exercise videos. I haven’t been to the gym since March for obvious reasons, and now that the weather’s getting colder + the days are getting darker, I’m mostly exercising with my virtual fitness instructors that I’ve come to know + love.
One of my favorite things about these videos is the instructors' upbeat enthusiasm + earnest encouragement. When I started, I thought this was going to annoy me, but I’ve come to love the cheesy pep-talks + all around extra-ness of the whole thing, which has offered some wholesome delight through the heavy dreariness of the year.
A few days ago, I tackled a harder-than-average workout. This is what the instructor said at the end as we were cooling down:
“I think we need to acknowledge that before we even started, you saw that this workout was an hour; you saw that it was high intensity; you saw that it had cardio *and* resistance work. You saw all of that, and what did you do? You decided to do it anyway. You saw something you knew was going to be a challenge + you decided to do it. That’s how strong you are. That’s not easy. Never underestimate your strength. What you’ve done today is yours.”
Y’all, I was so moved I started crying.
Which is perhaps an indication I could benefit from more honoring + affirming around my efforts + steps forward + wins.
Rather than beating myself up because something feels hard (because it “should” feel easier so what’s wrong with me?), perhaps it would be a better strategy to try affirming the resilience + strength it takes to be alive in this collective moment (let alone productive, in any sense of the word).
So I’m trying to give myself credit for the small wins that, if I’m honest, take some effort -- the 20 minutes of uninterrupted writing I managed to fit in today, the workout I just completed (even though it took me a half hour to work up the stamina to tie my shoes + put on a bra), the nagging task that’s been on my to-do list for 2 weeks that I finally did in 5 minutes.
Because it’s okay + human + to be expected that things feel hard + take more out of us + don’t always feel like enough.
Because there’s a lot of hard stuff we’re doing, enduring, managing, and surviving right now.
And all of this means that our resilience + survival is that much more impressive + worthy of our celebration + affirmation.
What might it look like to see + name + acknowledge the small victories + steps forward -- the tiny acts of care you give yourself or your loved ones, the small thing you did today that felt good, the grace you extended when it was all too much, the moment you remembered to take a deep breath?
It all matters.
You being here, continuing on, is enough.