I didn’t feel how I expected to feel today.

There were some tears of relief + hope, but I mostly felt flat, numb, and unsure.

Which I understand. Because our insides move in different ways + at different speeds than our outsides.

Once the crisis is over, once the immediate danger has passed, grief demands its due.

Our nervous systems require tending; our bodies demand care + release; our spirits need rest -- all in ways that were impossible to get + give in the middle of the hard thing.

I know from my work in DV + life experience that surviving a hard thing is just one part.

The healing that comes after is just as intensive, gritty, and necessary. It asks just as much, often more. And that journey isn’t easy + doesn’t always feel good.

So the question I felt today was: what next?

Do I have what it takes to do what’s being asked of me now? To do the work of tending to my own healing, supporting others in doing the same, and continuing to participate in our shared work of democracy + collective liberation?

For today, I’m just letting these questions settle + feeling the feelings + making room for what wants to emerge next.

And reminding myself that it’s okay to feel the weight of what comes after. It’s okay for this to seem like both the end + beginning of something hard. It’s okay to feel deflated + exhausted + overwhelmed. It’s okay to wonder if what changed today will be enough + if we have what it takes to bear what our healing requires.

Whatever you're feeling, I hope you're making room for all of it -- and giving yourself space, grace, and love while you're at it.